I don't know if many people have noticed, but all of my blog titles mean something to me. Initially, I began using tag lines from films that I felt related to what was happening to me at the time, and now I've moved on to quotes. This one is from the great Muhammad Ali, which I feel encompasses the struggles everyone has in life, especially through the last month maybe, what with all the politics (which I am not going to mention any further). Everyone has their problems and issues that they are tackling and many are brilliant at hiding them, especially to protect loved ones, and try and keep those issues in a 'box'. But at times things just can't help but get on top of you. And you can't help but let those feelings take hold. They stick at the forefront of your mind and distract you from everything that isn't routine in your life. It's difficult. They overwhelm you and cause you to lose motivation. This is how I've felt a lot lately. My main motivation over the last few years has disappeared and now I'm struggling to find a new one. Obviously, getting back to uni is my main motivation but a massive hole has been left in my life, and I'm still trying to adjust. I know what I need to recover physically and mentally, but emotionally I'm still a bit of a wreck. Slowly I'm piecing the bits back together but I think chemo brain is affecting my ability to do that too. As a result of all this I enjoy looking through motivational quotes and rely on social media support that suggest some brilliant bloggers, which are a fantastic read. It's reassuring to know that there are other people out there who know what you're going through, and it gives you strength. I think one of the biggest problems everyone has is finding that strength. It comes from friends and family, and sometimes strangers. And they may never realise it. But also these same people can just as easily break down the strength you have spent so much time building up. And, again, they may never realise it, or mean to. This yo-yo-ing is quite simply exhausting, but you must keep focusing on that mountain ahead.
On a different note, I simply don't know where the time is going. This month has flown by yet again in a flurry of hospital appointments and puppy-sitting. We have a new addition to the family, which many of you already know. Meet Rosie, our seriously cute Mini Schnauzer puppy.
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| Rosie Selfie |
She's adorable and very well behaved - when she wants to be! Like any puppy! She appears to be enjoying puppy training classes and loves to play with the other dogs. Flo's getting on well with her too - thank goodness!
Unfortunately, I was in hospital again (thanks to an infected Hickman) when Rosie got picked up, but after a week of IV antibiotics I was out. In between ECP treatments at Guy's, I seemed to enjoy stints in Maidstone hospital. The following visit, I was in a few days with viral gastroenteritis, and the last time I spiked a temperature, and spent another week in a side room. They didn't find the source of the temperature spike but I am now helpfully allergic to Penicillin too. Yay - another one to add to the list. More pebbles in my shoes... I missed spending time with my Auntie Boo too, but she was lovely and came to visit me instead.
This last week I've had another intrathecal chemo injection, which so far hasn't caused any problems. (Keeping my fingers crossed!) My hair is also growing back with avengence - it can't decide if it's going to be curly, wavy or straight, so I am currently attacking it with a new hair product I have found - a souffle! The dry scalp problem has also improved since using Eucerin shampoo and scalp treatment, which I highly recommend. My nails are also driving me mad - splitting and breaking just by looking at them! I'm trying the NuNail strengthening cream, which so far appears to be helping - I'll keep you updated.
On a much more happy note though I stayed over at Lottie's new pad and we had a lovely meal out with Kate, Hannah and Lauren at the new Italian in Ashford. It was brilliant to get out and feel the most normal I have in ages! I definitely ate far too much too... Long may it continue though, as I have a week in the Lake District with Boo to look forward to! And, the new Harry Potter play! Can't wait! Fingers crossed for no more pebbles!
In the mean time, I hope you all thoroughly enjoy the short sunny spells we appear to be having and manage to avoid the downpours. And, remember to keep your eyes on the mountain ahead.
Much love to you all xxx
In the mean time, I hope you all thoroughly enjoy the short sunny spells we appear to be having and manage to avoid the downpours. And, remember to keep your eyes on the mountain ahead.
Much love to you all xxx
