Courage, dear heart.

So, it has been a long time since I have posted a blog, and the main reason for this is that I've been suffering from a peripheral neuropathy. This has prevented me from using my fingers, so I haven't been able to write properly or even type. My feet have also been affected but less so. The pain and constant tingling has been excruciating and I had to be tested by neurologists to confirm that it is as a result of the chemo drugs I have received. This involved electrodes and needles, which measured how well my nerves were working. The pain clinic has also been involved in my treatment, providing me with four different types of analgesia (pain relief) - duloxitine (a drug that is primarily an antidepressant but is also used for diabetic neuropathic pain); pregabalin (which is similar to gabapetin - another pain relief drug specifically for neuropathies); oxycodone (a strong opioid drug for pain relief, both long acting and short acting) and paracetamol. Luckily, I have now managed to reduce the pain relief I am receiving so I am no longer requiring paracetamol and top-ups of short acting oxycodone as often. 

I'm still also on immunosuppressants and the doctors are trying their hardest to reduce this. I'm still on prednisolone and mycophenolate mofetil, this is to continue combating the Graft vs Host Disease that transplant patients suffer from. Mine seems to be particularly affecting my skin when my prednisolone dose is reduced. We dropped it to 10mg once a day and although this is a tiny reduction in dose, the skin on my legs flared up bright red and my skin got really flakey and disgusting. It was really debilitating - I felt I couldn't see anyone and that I just looked really ugly and gross. Now, however, after A LOT of steroid creams and Epaderm cream, and bio oil, etc. etc., my skin has finally recovered! We did have to up to the prednisolone to 15mg once a day again though too. But hopefully this week we can work on reducing the dose again!

I've also been receiving some counselling as I was struggling with feeling like a burden to my family and was struggling to deal with being housebound and the constant struggle I am having with my recovery, as I thought I would be able to progress and get stronger more quickly than I am. The neuropathy also knocked me back a lot and I was struggling with feeling like it was never going to improve and it could affect my future doing surgery. The counselling has really helped anyway, and I feel that everyone who goes through a transplant or has to deal with having cancer should receive it automatically. The therapists at the Marsden are especially brilliant though because they see the effects of cancer on patients every day whereas those who you would be referred to through your GP don't. This makes the treatment a lot more relevant and they are certainly helping with methods like CBT. As a result, I'm sleeping a lot better and feeling a lot better about the future and learning how to deal with the present rather than constantly worrying.

I'm now going to the hospital less often for appointments, which is nice, but I still have to see the transplant clinic, pain clinic, neuro oncology clinic and my psych appointments.  So, it's still pretty busy! Dad's been amazing and has taken a lot of time off to take me up there, which I immensely appreciate as being in the hospital as a family member can be extremely boring! 

At the beginning of December I was very lucky to be able to go with Kate, her gorgeous little boy Oscar, Hannah and Lottie to the Harry Potter studios to see Hogwarts in the snow! It was brilliant and me and Lot got our picture in the Weasley car and I may have spent a bit too much in the shop!

 

Simon Pegg also visited the TCT, as did Jack Whitehall, before Christmas! They were both extremely friendly and great to talk to, even if Jack did come across like a bit of an embarrassed school boy. I did get to have a chat with Simon though, and discovered his dog was currently being treated at the QMH (the small animal hospital at my uni) - small world! Here are some pics!
 

The family had a great Christmas though and it was lovely to just be at home with them on the day and then see mum's side of the family on Boxing day, which was really nice! I've also been able to see Grace, which was really refreshing as I do love a good catch up about vet stuff and how she's getting on in her job in Suffolk. I'm hoping to visit my aunt very soon too for a girly weekend of probably eating too much food and watching lots of trashy tv :).

I also received some amazing news that I got the BSAVA Congress Student Bursary that means I can attend the congress for free, as well as some exciting events there. It's in April and I can't wait to get my brain back into vet stuff again. The practicals look brilliant too! Just have to book up the train tickets and hotel now!

I thought I should also update you all on the fact that me and Phil aren't together any more, but we are still good friends and I will always care for him and be there should he need me. I just want to thank him for his continued support throughout the last year and I am ever so grateful for all he has done and all the sacrifices he has had to make. I also want to thank everyone else for their continued support with our relationship and I really do appreciate their help with everything.

Anyway, I will update again soon with hopefully more good news!

Much love to you all xxx